Monday, November 20, 2006

Coping with Anger..(?)(!)

Anger is a negative Vritti or whirlpool in the
mind-lake.It is born of ignorance. It is a strong
emotion, excited by a real or fancied injury and
involving a desire for retaliation.

Anger is a positive and constructive aid to survival.
It provides us with boosts of both physical and emotional
energy when we are in need of protection and healing.
Not only can anger help us to cope with threat, hurt,
frustration and violation but if it is channelled carefully
it can help us to find courage to recognise and assert our
own rights, make changes in our lives, and be creative.

However, many of us find it difficult to express our
anger openly,directly and assertively. We fear our anger
will get out of control and take over our minds, that we
will lose the respect of others or that we might hurt
someone. We tell ourselves that anger is best kept hidden.
Consequently we may end up harming ourselves.

Sometimes we can be angry without recognising that we are
angry. Sometimes we do not recognise fully what it is we
are angry about. Sometimes we can be filled with a consuming
anger we do not know how to cope with. Sometimes we may forget
that any efforts we make to cope and survive with our anger and
pain are worthy of respect and this can make us feel more angry.

Immediate strategies for coping with angry feelings -
• Breathing deeply.Try yoga or some deep breathing techniques.
• Dancing, fast walking, running or aerobics, etc, will help to calm you down.
• Screw your face up a few times and feel the muscles relax.
• You could also try screaming and shouting abuse at an empty chair.
• Focus intently on a work activity or household chore.

Long term strategies for coping with angry feelings -
Use positive self-talk - • I cannot change the past but I can
change how I feel about it. • My self-esteem can survive without
the approval of everyone.

If you are angry with someone, if possible confront them.
Try to start positively. Be direct. Acknowledge your responsibility.
Avoid putting yourself down. Talk to someone else you think will
listen. If there is no-one to talk to, even shouting at an empty
space can be calming and healing.

Some techniques to come out of anger..

Take time out
Lie down and listen to some pleasant relaxing music.
Perhaps go for a walk to clam yourself.
Concentrating on your breathing or a specific word or mantra
will take your mind off obsessive thoughts and into stillness.
Writing down your feelings in a journal, letter or poem can be

an effective way of expressing and discharging feelings.




Nursepreneur Digest said...

In previous times, like about 20 years ago, I would lose control when angry. I remember one incident when I hit my eldest son out of anger. I felt real bad because I was not angry at him and I took my feelings out on him. Twenty years later, I see my son still trying to handle my striking him. I don't know if he thinks I will strike him again after all these years or if he is just resistive toward me.
I entered a parenting class at the local mental health unit to get in touch with my feelings and enhance my parenting skills. Through these classes, I learned how a person can carry old baggage or feelings from childhood into adulthood. I had to open the baggage and face a lot of issues I particularly did not want to face. I came to realize that my anger was not out of control, I needed guidance in how to constructively express my feelings to the person who cause my inner disturbance.
As a parent, I learn to ask my children to give me a moment while I collect my thoughts and deep breathe when I am angry. I in turn allow my children time to gather their thoughts and composure while they are experiencing anger, happy, or sad moments. We held a lot of roundtable meetings, expressings our feelings in a constructive manner.
I have three grown sons out the house and two young daughters at home and we may get on the phone and talk about our feelings about situations in the workplace, school, and family.
I would encourage anyone who reads constructive posts as yours to take to heart the value of coping mechanisms.

sowmya said...

hi Ruth, some times it will happen like this.At that time we are not aware of how our emotions and the outcome reaction will reach the children.They adopt the same way what we exposed to them.Whatever the negative emotions, we have to follow the four steps like 1.STOP, 2.Look & listen 3.Think and 4.Act.So that the density of the emotion will decrease slowly.

Anonymous said...

Enjoyed reading

the report - most informative thanks

Sowmya said...

Thanks ...Anon :)