Thursday, November 30, 2006

Cure the tumour with humour..!

This moment, this space is beautiful, where you find
yourself.Nothing is missing except your laughter.If
you can laugh, you will fall in tune with the cosmic
energy. I teach you laughter. I am against all

Our five senses are not enough for ideal living. We
need to use our sixth sense: our sense of humour.
Humour isn't about merely telling jokes; it's the way
we view the world. We can be sincere about life
without taking it so seriously. We can laugh about
our mistakes and pain.

When you make fun of yourself, you disempower those
who would make fun of you and disarm possible confrontations.
Laughter dissolves tension, stress, anxiety, irritation,
anger, grief, and depression. After a hearty bout of
laughter, you will experience a sense of well-being..
Remember, a person without a sense of humour is like a car
without shock absorbers.

Develop your sense of humour and you will find you are
more productive, a better communicator..Everyone loves
someone who can make them laugh. The more you share your
sense of humour, the more friends you will have.A sense
of humour can help you accept the inevitable, rise to any
challenge, handle the unexpected with ease, and come out
of any difficulty smiling.

Laugh out louldly ..!

Every time my friend out on a cloudy day with a group of

friends,He is the first person to know when it starts to rain.
Do you know why? Because he's bald!

Monday, November 27, 2006

Living without conflict...! - jiddu Krishnamurti

Most of us are ridden by the desire for success, for
fame, or by the desire to be known; and it is an everlasting
struggle and effort. Struggle is apparently accepted by each
one as a necessity—in learning, in getting educated, in going
to the office, in climbing the ladder of success, in understanding
what is truth; everything has become a question of struggle,

Why do we struggle? What is the essence of struggle, what is
the essence ambition? Surely, conflict is the essence of ambition.
Conflict exists because there is contradiction. If there was no
contradiction, there would be no struggle.If there is no
contradiction, there need be no effort. And we are a mass of

Why does this contradiction exist? Why does desire tear in
different directions? Being torn in different directions, we say
to ourselves, ‘I must be without desire,’ or ‘I must control the
desire.’ Psychologically it is impossible to control desire; you
have to understand it, you have to unravel it, you have to go
to the full length, not in its expression, not in its fulfilment, but
understand the whole significance of desire which breeds
contradiction. Because it breeds contradiction, we resist desire,
we suppress desire, we say to ourselves, ‘We must be desireless’
—which is to destroy the whole immensity of life. For desire
is part of life, and merely to suppress it, deny it, control it, is
to shut off the immensity of life.

So, struggle exists because there is contradiction outwardly
and inwardly. Outwardly there is the attraction of power, position
or prestige, which is offered to a man who seeks status. There is
a living with function. We have to function as human beings,
we have to go to the office, we have to learn, we have to do things
—a function. But with that function goes the desire to be more than
a functionary, because you use that function as a means to
acquire power, position, prestige; and so, there is contradiction.

A man who uses function to achieve status can never be
efficient. And we need to be efficient in this world, because
function matters enormously.

Why is there this intense desire on the part of each one,
almost every one, to achieve fame? Why is there this desire?

why there is this incessant battle with yourself. Surely, for
most of us, we are aware at some time or other, consciously or
unconsciously, that there is a great emptiness, loneliness in us.
.And because we are so frightened of that loneliness, we run
away from it, so there is a contradiction. We try to escape from
that loneliness through knowledge, through success, through
money, through sex, through religion, through every form.
But the fact is that you are lonely—which you don't want to
face—and you are escaping from it, and so there is contradiction,
which breeds conflict.

We are concerned with conflict. A man who has no conflict is
not ambitious. And a man who is ambitious can never love;
he does not know what it means to love because he is concerned
with himself and with his own ideas and his own achievements.
A man who seeks fame—how can he love, how can he have
kindliness, generosity? And this sense of achievement can only
come about when there is an escape from the fact that you are
Do what you will, until you understand that extraordinary
loneliness, your gods, your knowledge, your power or your position
have no value, nor does virtue have any value.

So, this contradiction exists when there is an avoidance
of the fact—the fact that you are lonely, the fact that you
are angry, the fact that you are violent. You are violent,
you are angry, or you are ambitious—that is a fact. You
should not be angry, you should not be violent, or you
should not be ambitious—that is an idea, that is a non-fact.
Therefore ideals, which have no reality, no substance, breed
contradiction. The man who faces the fact of every day, of
every minute, without distortion—such a man has no conflict.
And to live without conflict demands tremendous energy.
that the man who has conflict has no energy; he is dissipating
energy. Not that the man who is ambitious has no energy;
he has the energy which comes about through resistance,
but that is destructive energy. There is that energy which
comes when there is no conflict, when you are facing the fact
every minute—I mean by ‘the fact’ the psychological fact,
what you are inwardly.

one has to understand the fact. We do not understand the fact
because consciousness is the result of influences. We cannot
see the fact because of the influence that has shaped thought,
the influence which is shaping the conscious mind as well as the
unconscious mind. Is it possible for the mind to be free of
influence? You understand, sir, influence Can you be aware
of every influence—be aware without choice, just be aware
of every influence that is going on around you? Is that possible?
Because, if you are free, if you can observe influence, your
mind is already sharpened and therefore capable of freeing
itself from influence. This is a complex subject; it needs attention,
it needs all your thought to find out, because you are the result
of influence. When you believe that you are the higher self,
and all the rest of it, when you say there is in you God, divinity,
the atman—all that is influence. When the communist does not
believe in God, he is also influenced.

Is it possible to be free of all influences? Otherwise you
cannot proceed to inquire into the question of freedom,
and be free. As I said, you can never be free of influence,
but you can always be watching every influence that you
meet. That means watching every minute what you are
doing, what you are thinking, what you are feeling; and
in that watching, not to allow any form of distortion,
self-opinion, evaluation to take place, which is the result
of influence.
All influence is evil, as authority is evil. There
is no good influence or bad influence, as all influence
shapes the mind, corrupts the mind. So, if one understands
the fact that every form of influence—it does not matter
whether it is good or bad—distorts, cripples, corrupts the
mind, if one understands that fact, sees that fact, then
one will be aware, totally, of every influence that impinges
on the mind. That is, in denying, in negation, there is the
emergence of the fact, of truth. When you deny, when you
say no, you do so either with a motive or without a motive.
Probably you have never said no. Because, most of us are
yes-sayers; we accept, we never say, no to anything without
a motive—which means that when you say no without a motive,
you are out of influence.

The word anger, the word ‘God”, the word ‘communist’, the
word ‘Congress’, the word ‘India’—we are slaves to these
words. And a mind that is a slave to a word cannot
see the fact. So, you begin to discover for yourself
how extraordinarily slavish thought is to a word. And you
will find, if you will go into it very deeply, that there
is no thought without a word. And you will find,if you go
still deeper, that where there is a thinker and a thought,
there is a contradiction, and every form of experience only
divides and strengthens the thinker and the thought as a
separate process.
So, it is only when this whole process
which I have from the beginning until now, is understood,
examined,watched, that the mind comes out of this social,
environmental,verbal structure as an uncorrupted, clear,
sane, rational mind.It is only then that the mind is no
longer influenced; it is completely empty. It is only
such a mind that can go beyond time, and beyond all space.
It is only then the immeasurable,the unknowable, can come
into being.

Courtesy : Video : you tube

Managing Internal Distractions

Tips and Articles from Meg Edwards

While coaching people I often hear about the
distractions that prevent them from getting done
what they say they want to get done. I hear them
complain about all the things that pull them off of
their focus.

Mel Levine, a Developmental Pediatrician defines
distraction as “ a departure from whatever current
need or plan a [person] is attending to.” He describes
five kinds of distractions: Visual, Auditory, Tactile,
Future-oriented and Social. I find it useful to identify
the type of distractions that may pull a person away
from their focus because once the tendency is identified,
a strategy can be developed to redirect oneself.

Visual: While on the phone you see a pile of paper that has
been sitting on your desk for awhile and wonder if there
is anything important in that stack that you need to do
something about. So you stop whatever you are doing
and start to browse through that pile.

Remedy: Do a mindsweep of everything that has your
attention in your office. Out of this mindsweep you may
see a project that needs to be added to your project list
called “Get Clean and Current in Office.” Determine what
your next action is to move on this project and write that
action on the appropriate list.

Auditory: You hear the “ding” on your email notifying you
that you have a new email. So you stop whatever you are
doing to see what that is and what you need to do about it.
In other words, you treat email like a ringing phone.

Remedy: Unless you have a job which requires that you
be immediately responsive to every email that comes in,
turn your email notification system off. Designate specific
times during the day when you will focus on email.

Tactile: Have you ever been working on something and before
you knew it you had something else in your hand that grabbed
your attention and you don’t remember picking it up?

Remedy: Only have reference material, equipment, decoration,
supplies or whatever you are currently working on top of your
desk. Everything else should be filed or put away.

Future Oriented: You are responding to an email which
reminds you of a project that is due ten days from now.
You start thinking about all the moving parts of that
project and before you know it you are working on that
project and you never finished writing the email.

Remedy: As part of your weekly review make sure you
look ahead to the due dates for every project and clarify
all the pieces that need to be done to ensure the projects
are moving in a timely fashion. Add any due dates to any
pieces of the projects so you can know when you need to
be working each piece.

Social: This interruption happens when you are working
at your desk and you see someone you haven’t connected
with in a while so you find yourself following them to the
coffee room to have a chat and suddenly you realize you
have spent 20 minutes talking to them rather than
working on the presentation that is due tomorrow.

Remedy: When you want to connect with someone, employ
the “two minute rule”. Let the person know that you want
to connect with them and can the two of you look at a time
that will work for both of you to do that. This will enable
you to relax because you will know that the opportunity
to be with this person is built into your schedule.

Sender: T.Prabu

Thursday, November 23, 2006

To be alone is one of most beautiful experiment..

You are not disturbed any more by the others; you donot
force yourselves any more yourself to do something which
one awaits from you. Only, you can do what you want to do,
you can feel what you want to feel.

All which you need is to detach you from your mental. Your
mental is not your mental; your mental is only one representative
of the crowd to which you belong. It is not with your service,
it is with the service of crowd. Crowd put, in your mental, a
detective who continues to force you, even if you are alone,
to comprise you according to rules'. All the secrecy is to be pilot
the mental one; allow your nature to be and say clearly to the
mental one: “You are not with me, I came in the world without
you, you were given to me later by education, for the example.

You are something from abroad; you do not form part of my
nature; at least when I am alone, I only leaves.” You must learn
how to say to the mental one: “The farm!” and to allow your
nature full freedom.

Once you learned that the mental one can be put on side and that
you can be really alone, you will be immensely astonished by the
beauties, innocence, the perspicacity which you have. Because
with the mental one you are not really alone, all these voices,
those of your parents, those of the teachers, the priests and the
politicians are recorded in the mental one and the mental one
simply continues to repeat them. It is a superb strategy played
by the company against the individual.

Courtesy : Osho - Extract of: From Death to Deathlessness


It is certainly true that in many countries, modern culture
emphasises the individual person, and not the group or
family. There is often pressure to be 'self-contained'.
Many more young people live alone, often away from family
or friends because of work or college. The pressures of life
may not leave enough time to make good relationships.

Modern culture, in TV, films and books, tells us that the

only meaningful relationship is a sexual or romantic one.
It isn't true, but we believe it.

If we do not have such a relationship, we feel a failure. Or

we try to find meaning in these relationships, but often fail.
And if these relationships are private and closed, leaving no
room for other friendships, then when they end, we have no
'real', 'ordinary' friends to turn to.

"Loneliness is universal. I get a lot of patients, especially

those who haven't married, who have a strong feeling of not
being part of 'family', of not having connected. They feel
unfulfilled, that they don't belong, and are not caught up in
what is thought 'normal'."-- Dr.Chris Andrew.

Surprisingly, it is not only the quiet, shy, people, who may

feel loneliness. It can also be the sort of person who is the
'life and soul of the party' - always joking, laughing, apparently
out-going, yet afraid to really connect with others - holding
other people away at arm's length. They may seem to have
lots of friends, but inside they are hurting. These people have
often been damaged as children by sexual or emotional abuse.

Here are some ideas to think about:

Remember, you are not the only one to feel this way - perhaps
25% of the people around you feel the same. So make the first

Do you have an interest or hobby? Find a group or society
with this interest and join it.

Don't look for the answer to loneliness in a sexual relationship.

Many people, especially girls, move from one quick sexual

relationship to another, desperate to find closeness and
meaning. The sort of people they find usually only want
the sex part of the relationship, and do not offer more in

Even in a stable long-term relationship or marriage,
you should still not expect your partner to meet all of
your emotional needs. They should certainly meet many
of your needs, because your partner should be your best
friend. But you should also have a network of good
relationships with other friends, giving and taking help
and support.

It can be easy to live out our lives through the imaginary
relationships in films, TV, books, or even arm-length
relationships on the Internet. These aren't real! TV and
film characters do not act and talk like real people! It is
an imaginary world, very different from the real one. Live
in the real world!

To be wanted and needed, is a big answer to loneliness.
Is there any way you can help other people? Can you
volunteer to do something? Hospital visiting, visiting old
people, assist an advice centre, an inner city help program
- the list is endless. Or just learn to be a listening person
who can understand how other people feel, and help them.
In helping other people, we find friends and lose loneliness!

Don't wait for someone to phone (or write/email) you -

you contact them. And if they seem too busy, it doesn't mean
they are rejecting you. Try another time!

Don't drink too much - it may take away feelings of
loneliness for a few hours, but does not answer the real
problem. You may feel separated from other people
because of wrong things that others have done or said
to you, or things that you have done or said to others.
These things build a wall between us. Look for a way to
become friends again. Don't be too proud to say sorry,
even if you feel it was mostly the other person's fault!

if you have been hurt as a child through sexual or

emotional abuse, or difficult relationships with parents,
don't bury those feelings. It is possible to find victory over
these hurts.

We were created to be social humans. We need people.
"It is not good for man to be alone" is a key statement from
one of the earliest surviving historical writings. Yet it goes
right to the centre of our human need today!

Our relationships with each other are easily damaged
and spoilt, because of our own wrong actions and selfish
behaviour, which so often we cannot even see. But beyond
these relationships, there is another deeper relationship
which has been damaged. It is this - that God - the maker
of the whole world - is a loving person, who desperately
wants a relationship with you! It may be unbelievable, but
it is true. God is not a power, a force, a feeling, or a distant
angry ruler - He is a person, who wants to be a 'friend who
stays closer than a brother'. He is the ultimate Family, the
real Lover, the special Friend. What is more, He can give us
a new power inside, to handle life, relationships and problems..

Courtesy : Online counselling

Monday, November 20, 2006

Coping with Anger..(?)(!)

Anger is a negative Vritti or whirlpool in the
mind-lake.It is born of ignorance. It is a strong
emotion, excited by a real or fancied injury and
involving a desire for retaliation.

Anger is a positive and constructive aid to survival.
It provides us with boosts of both physical and emotional
energy when we are in need of protection and healing.
Not only can anger help us to cope with threat, hurt,
frustration and violation but if it is channelled carefully
it can help us to find courage to recognise and assert our
own rights, make changes in our lives, and be creative.

However, many of us find it difficult to express our
anger openly,directly and assertively. We fear our anger
will get out of control and take over our minds, that we
will lose the respect of others or that we might hurt
someone. We tell ourselves that anger is best kept hidden.
Consequently we may end up harming ourselves.

Sometimes we can be angry without recognising that we are
angry. Sometimes we do not recognise fully what it is we
are angry about. Sometimes we can be filled with a consuming
anger we do not know how to cope with. Sometimes we may forget
that any efforts we make to cope and survive with our anger and
pain are worthy of respect and this can make us feel more angry.

Immediate strategies for coping with angry feelings -
• Breathing deeply.Try yoga or some deep breathing techniques.
• Dancing, fast walking, running or aerobics, etc, will help to calm you down.
• Screw your face up a few times and feel the muscles relax.
• You could also try screaming and shouting abuse at an empty chair.
• Focus intently on a work activity or household chore.

Long term strategies for coping with angry feelings -
Use positive self-talk - • I cannot change the past but I can
change how I feel about it. • My self-esteem can survive without
the approval of everyone.

If you are angry with someone, if possible confront them.
Try to start positively. Be direct. Acknowledge your responsibility.
Avoid putting yourself down. Talk to someone else you think will
listen. If there is no-one to talk to, even shouting at an empty
space can be calming and healing.

Some techniques to come out of anger..

Take time out
Lie down and listen to some pleasant relaxing music.
Perhaps go for a walk to clam yourself.
Concentrating on your breathing or a specific word or mantra
will take your mind off obsessive thoughts and into stillness.
Writing down your feelings in a journal, letter or poem can be

an effective way of expressing and discharging feelings.



Saturday, November 18, 2006

A thought of Chaitanya...!!

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Way to Permenant Joy

Attaining permenant joy or happiness remains the biggest

challenge for humans. For centuries we are following many
sets of rules- we call it philosophy,science, cults, religions,
race..whatever ! That have not helped overcome the problem.

So What is the way out?It's simple.

Live every second of your life in Bliss.It's easier said than done.
so here's how to do it in practicle life :

Smile !

Make This moment of life happy. Then see that next moment
will be similar. You can connect this happy state of mind with
your breating. Everytime you breath in, believe in mind that you
are taking in the Happiness inside. Then ensure it for the next
moment.. then next.GO on.

life is just a string of moments. Make as many of them happy as you
can. That is the happy life.You may not succed in it at one go. You
may have taken tens of thousands of breaths in your life without
happiness. body won't change that all of a sudden. but keep on
practising, for as many time as possible, for as long at a strech as possible.

Courtesy : Chaitanya

Thursday, November 16, 2006

Are we responsible ??..

We are rapidly gaining a much better understanding
of the brain and how it operates. We are beginning to
see how our thought processes and actions are shaped
by activity in the brain.

This new knowledge is exciting, but presents us with
many challenges. And tools and therapies for use in medicine
or research could equally well be applied socially for other
uses. How are we going to manage these ethical quandaries?

If a lot of our behaviour is outside our conscious
control (or feels as if it is), can we always be held
responsible for our actions?

Our legal system (and many other aspects of society) are
based on the idea that we are ‘free agents’, able to decide
for ourselves how we behave.

But how much freedom do we actually have to control our
behaviour? Some brain responses are not under conscious
control. Sometimes, even when we think we are making a
conscious decision, our brain has already made an
unconscious one. Or our conscious and unconscious
wrestle for control of our actions.

Our genetic inheritance will affect our brain and behaviour,
as will the environment we experience in the womb, and the
way we are brought up. By the time we are adults, our scope
to behave in any way we choose is significantly reduced.
On the other hand, genetic or neuroscientific determinism
– that we are ‘born’ or ‘hard-wired’ to behave in a particular
way – can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. The prefrontal
cortex, the ‘thinking brain’, still has plenty of scope to shape
our actions.

Legally, courts are more lenient if a defendant can prove
‘diminished responsibility’. Sentencing will also depend
to some extent on an assessment of a defendant’s mental
health. So far, there has been little evidence that judges are
willing to consider biological susceptibilities as a justifiable
defence. As we discover more about the links between brain
and behaviour, it is likely that this will become a more
common issue.

Courtesy : Big Picture of thinking - issue 4 september 2004

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Personal power....

To solve problems effectively you must do the following.

1. Manage your emotional state-avoid “overwhelm.”
Learn to associate massive pain to the state of being
overwhelmed; associate pleasure to solving the problem.

2. Write the problem on paper. Spend no more than 20%
of the time defining it-80% of the time should be spent
on the solution.

3. Come up with your best plan for handling the challenge
and act upon it as quickly as possible.

4. Notice what you’re getting from your current actions.

5. If what you’re doing isn’t working, change your approach.
Develop more flexibility by asking yourself, What would
happen if…

6. Find role models and get their answers.

7. Change your beliefs about what problems are-call them
challenges-they are opportunities for you to grow.

Use the five problem-solving questions to put yourself
in a positive, resourceful state for finding effective solutions.


1. What is great about this problem?
2. What is not perfect yet?
3. What am I willing to do to make it the way I want it?
4. What am I willing to no longer do in order to make it
the way I want it?
5. How can I enjoy the process while I do what is necessary to
make it the way I want it?

courtesy : Personal power - Anthony Robbins

How to Find Your Child's Genius..!

To discover your children's genius you must first
Find out how they like to learn and why they will
Learn something.

For example, I did not learn to swim because I
did not want to learn to swim. I learned to swim
because I wanted to surf. If not for surfing, I had
no interest in learning to swim, and forcing me to
learn only made me hate swimming even more.
Instead of starting me in the shallow end with all
the kids, I was much happier jumping in the deep
end and learning to survive. The same is true with
learning to read financial statements. I did not learn
accounting because I wanted to be an accountant. I
learned basic accounting because I wanted to be rich.
If you think my swim strokes are ugly, you should see
My accounting.

Instead of forcing me to conform and follow the
traditional ways of learning, this is the way of
encouragement to "Jump in the deep end and swim
for my life."

Everyone has their own learning style. People learn
in more traditional ways. Many people go to school,
enjoy the classroom, and enjoy following a prearranged


Many like knowing that at the end of the curriculum
they will get a reward. They like the idea of knowing
that they will get a passing grade or a degree for their
efforts. As I said, they like the certainty of the reward
at the end of the program. Just as my friend Willy did
well at swimming because he loved swimming, many
people do well in school because they like school.

A key to people's success in life is finding out how they
learn best and ensuring that they are in an environment
that allows them to continue learning in the ways they
learn best. The problem is, finding out exactly how we
learn and what our natural gifts are is often a hit-and
miss process. Many people never find out their gifts. Once
they leave school, they get jobs, and then they cannot
continue the personal discovery process owing to financial
or family reasons.

Courtesy: Rich kid, smart kid - Robert T. Kiyosaki with
Sharon L. Lechter, C.P.A

Friday, November 10, 2006

Empathy - feel someone within you..!

Empathy is about listening and understanding
feelings. It is a ability to communicate and lead
by understanding Other’s thoughts, views and

No two people share the same experiences, thoughts

or emotions. In order to truly understand the other,
we need to understand his/her experiences, thoughts
emotions as well as words and outward Behaviours.

Sharpening our empathy skills will lead to a better

personal and work Relationships, higher credibility,
more clarity in our communication.

When empathy is highly developed, human beings

become more human. With the ability of empathize,
we humans can show greater sensitivity Towards others.
Empathy helps us to understand from a position within
Ourselves. It heightens our sense of acceptance as a person.

True empathy is the ability to develop trust and

openness with others. Empathy is more than
understanding. We can only understand when we
Listen - not only to the words, but to the feelings

being expressed. Empathy Means that we understand
not only the feeling being expressed. But the Ideas and
the feelings go with the words.

When we are empathetic, we are sensitive to the

feelings being shown. Tune In to others and try to
understand their needs and wants. When someone
asks For help, try to be sensitive to what is not being
said as well as to the person’s actual words.

So Try to be empathetic and taste the natural glow

of others within you.



Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Why Men need space...??

The love between the Men and Women was
magical. They delighted in being together, doing things
together, and sharing together. Though from different
worlds, they reveled in their differences. They spent months
learning about each other, exploring and appreciating their
different needs, preferences, and behavior patterns. For years
they lived together in love and harmony.

Then they decided to fly to Earth. In the beginning everything
was wonderful and beautiful. But the effects of Earth's atmosphere
took hold, and one morning everyone woke up with a peculiar
kind of amnesiaselective amnesia!

Both the Martians and Venusians forgot that they were from
different planets and were supposed to be different. In one
morning everything they had learned about their differences
was erased from their memory. And since that day men and
women have been in conflict.

Men are like rubber bands. When they pull away,
they can stretch only so far before they come springing
back. A rubber band is the perfect metaphor to
understand the male intimacy cycle.

This cycle involves getting close, pulling away,
and then getting close again. Most women are surprised
to realize that even when a man loves a woman,
periodically he needs to pull away before he can get
closer. Men instinctively feel this urge to pull away.
It is not a decision or choice. It just happens.
It is neither his fault nor her fault. It is a natural cycle.

Women misinterpret a man's pulling away because
generally a woman pulls away for different reasons.
She pulls back when she doesn't trust him to understand
her feelings, when she has been hurt and is afraid of being
hurt again, or when he has done something wrong and
disappointed her.

Certainly a man may pull away for the same reasons,
but he will also pull away even if she has done nothing
wrong. He may love and trust her; and then suddenly he
begins to pull away. Like a stretched rubber band, he will
distance himself and then come back all on his own.

A man pulls away to fulfill his need for independence or
autonomy. When he has fully stretched away, then instantly
he will come springing back. When he has fully separated,
then suddenly he will feel his need for love and intimacy
again. Automatically he will he more motivated to give his
love and receive the love he needs. When a man springs
back, he picks up the relationship at whatever degree of
intimacy it was when he stretched away. He doesn't feel
any need for a period of getting reacquainted again.

Courtesy : Men are from Mars Women are from Venus - John Gray

Saturday, November 04, 2006

A Question to Osho..

Question : I’m scared of aloneness. I’m not in a relationship right now, a fact which I like and simultaneously I don’t like.

That time when you will be able to be alone will also come,
but that time has not come yet. So like or dislike it, you will have
to be with somebody.

Aloneness is possible only when one is really mature, and nothing
can be done for that maturity immediately. Maturity comes by and
by, when you live with people and you suffer and you enjoy also.

Through so many experiences of relationship, one day it dawns in
one’s consciousness that one is enough alone, that there is no need
to depend on others, that aloneness is not a kind of negative space
but a deep fulfillment, that aloneness is beautiful that there is

benediction in it. But that comes only after you have passed
through many hells and purgatories...then only. You cannot
jump to heaven; the way to heaven goes through hell. You have
to pass through hell; that is the school — it trains you for heaven.
So don’t be in a hurry; otherwise you will be in misery.It is better
to be related and miserable than to be miserable and alone.
That is the only choice right now: miserable alone or miserable

But when you are miserable together it is better; at least you can

throw the responsibility on the other!When you are absolutely alone,
where to throw the responsibility? You carry the whole burden...not
even somebody to share it! When you are miserable with somebody
you can find causes, explanations why the misery is there. When you
are alone there is no reason and no cause, so the mind feels very
very noccupied and the misery looks so on-going, eternal.Right
now choose that misery, the other kind, that people call relationship.
It is a necessary evil to pass through. And one day you will be
able to pass beyond it but right now the moment has not come.

When it has come you will not feel misery at all in being alone,

you will feel on top of the world. There is no joy compared to
that, no relationship can bring that joy. A relationship always
remains a mixed phenomenon: a few moments of joy and
many more of misery. That is the cost one has to pay for those
few moments of joy.But if you are alone right now, even those
few moments will not be there; it will be just misery and misery
and one feels monotonous. When you are with somebody,
at least misery changes colors, shapes, forms. In the morning
it was one thing, in the evening it is something else. It is misery
all the same (chuckling) but it changes! So you find some
poor fellow. Start looking!