Friday, October 27, 2006

The Ship...which you always like to sail...

Ten Power Strategies for keeping your relationships strong:

1. Commit. Do you want to view your partner lovingly?

Are you for your partner or against your partner? Too many
people in relationships are enemies. They put a negative
spin on each other, just as enemies do. If you decide you want
to love your partner, you can intentionally view him or her lovingly.

2. Deliver effectively. You have a choice every time you say

something to your partner. You can say something that will
either nurture the relationship or tear it down. Say what
you mean, but don’t say it mean.

3. Foster collaboration. In a happy marriage, couples make

at least three times as many positive statements to and about
each other and their relationship (“We laugh a lot”) as opposed
to negative ones (“We never have fun”). Make daily deposits to
your relationship’s emotional bank account.

4. Create trust. Trust is at the foundation of any relationship.

We are more likely to have good relationships and succeed in
whatever we do when our relationships are based on trust.

5. Speak from the heart. In love relationships, feelings are

the voice of the heart. Appealing to your partner’s emotions works
more effectively than rational discourse. Much of what matters
in love depends upon our feelings.

6. Argue well. Successful conflict resolution includes: owning

your part in a conflict; using humor; stroking your partner with
a caring remark (“I know that this is hard for you”); making it
clear you’re on common ground (“This is our problem”);
backing down (it sometimes pays to yield); and being skillful
and receptive to compromise.

7. Be a model for your children. Some couples get mired

in repetitive fights to which their children bear witness; others may
even stop talking; other couples draw their children into their
differences and form a triangle. Successful couples do not draw
their children into adult issues as referees, judges, targets, or in
any other biased role.

8. Assess regularly. Reflect on how you’re doing. Awareness is

the first step in healing. Knowing how you are doing keeps you on
track. Feedback to each other is an early warning system to stem
negative patterns.

9. Prevent relapse. The emotional brain learns new patterns

over months. Over-learning, practicing a new habit beyond the
point where you can do it well, greatly reduces the odds that you
will revert to the old habit under pressure. Practice being a
sensitive and caring partner every day.

10. Seek help early. Having chronic relationship problems?

Early intervention is less painful and more effective than
intervention in a relationship that has been worn down over
a long period. Take action. Seek help early. Applying the 10
Power Strategies brings a huge return on investment. Ignoring
emotional competency puts you at greater risk for a shattered
home life and an artificial career ceiling.

Courtesy :Joel Block, Ph.D. is a psychologist and author of

"Making It Work When You Work a Lot"

Sunday, October 22, 2006

Present is a Present..!!

living in the past. Why we do that. We go back to the past at the the present moment and we like to have the delicious moment of journey we have arrived from.

Construct the future. Why we do this.. We like to shape our further process of what we do in life in a better way, by learning and observing from the environment.

Why we all stick to these two things mostly…?

By going back in time, is to reflect on the lessons events have taught you and to grow in wisdom and to savor the precious memories that you were blessed enough to experience well. So the present which holds the past memories nourishes you than the present moment when it happened.

if your intention - in going back in time – nourishes you , then its good. But if your intention and reason to go back into your past is to dwell on bad things and to worry over things you cannot change and to rehash painful times, then it's an unhealthy act.

But thoughts are not similar always. The person’s mind and the ideas that he has it when he is thinking , depends upon how he practiced himself looking things in optimistic or pessimistic ways. Those thoughts induce to have the pleasure or sorrowful moments in the present.

Being in the present, Construct the future may help the person to do better than what we he did in the past. and it also helps the person to have a fantasy about living and it those fantasies nourishes him and he is also planning to achieve certain goals by construct the future in the present moment.

After all humans are pleasure seeking animals. We are ready to accept the incidents and its outcome or feedback, if they are giving us delicious moments. But we are also fighting for the survival. So worries and painful moments are envitable.

How to come out of these…

“Live in the now" .. "Enjoy the moment."
So that you can adopt that moment whatever it gives you. Acceptance is a beautiful term, which can be feel only in the present state. Now..where are those worries, you have to worry for where your worries have


Friday, October 13, 2006

Welcome the Failures..!!

You might be astonished to read this title , welcome the failures.

Why?.. why I should welcome the failures , while I am towards my success to achieve something in my life. Is this a right phrase…? Let us share..

“Life is Difficult”

Once we understand and accept this truth, life is no longer difficult. Because the fact that life is difficult no longer matters.

Most people do not fully accept that life is difficult. Instead they moan about the enormity of their problems, burdens, and difficulties as if life should be easy. They voice their belief that their difficulties represent a unique affliction that has been visited upon them.

Life is a series of problems. Do we want to moan about them or solve them?

Confronting and solving problems can be painful. Indeed, because of the pain that conflicts engender in us, we call them problems. And since life poses endless problems, life is always difficult , full of pain as well as joy. Yet it is in meeting and solving problems that life has its meaning.

Problems are the cutting edge that distinguishes between success and failure. Problems call forth and create our courage and our wisdom. When we encourage the growth of our spirit, we boost our capacity to solve problems. It is through the pain of confronting and resolving problems that we learn.

As Ben Franklin said, “Those things that hurt, instruct.” For this reason, wise people learn to welcome problems.

Fearing the pain involved, we avoid problems. We procrastinate, hoping that they will go away. We try to get out of them. The tendency to avoid the emotional suffering inherent in problems is the primary basis of mental illness.

Some of us will go to extraordinary lengths to avoid our problems and the suffering they cause, trying to find an easy way out, building elaborate fantasies to the exclusion of reality. But, the substitute ultimately becomes more painful than the legitimate suffering it was designed to avoid.

When we avoid dealing with problems, we also avoid the growth. Let us learn the need for suffering and the need to face problems directly and to experience the pain involved.

Discipline is the tool we require to solve life’s problems. Without discipline, we can solve nothing When we teach ourselves and our children discipline, we are learning how to suffer and also how to grow.

Welcome the failures to step into the stone of success.


Thursday, October 12, 2006

Happiness and Life are not two different words..(?)(!)

I often ask the question, “What do you want from life?”
The answers people give are vague. Few people can say, “I want these things, for these reasons, and this is how I intend to achieve them.” These people are living life passionately and enthusiastically. They rarely complain or talk negatively about others or refer to happiness as a future event.

So what do they have that most people don’t? They know what they want.

Do you know what you want from life?
What are your dreams?

Think about it. Ponder it, and list those people, places, things, and experiences that you believe will make you happy. We all have a natural thirst for happiness, and we do the things we do because we believe they will make us happy.

We know the things that make us happy, we just don’t do them. Why? We are too busy trying to be happy.
We are too busy doing just about everything, that means just about nothing, to just about nobody, and will mean even less to anyone 100 years from now!

Most people are not thriving; most people are just surviving, just getting by, just hanging on. What’s the problem? What’s missing? What is it that we need that we don’t have? Some would say that it’s a lack of commitment, but there is a greater void—a great purposelessness.

Many people have lost any sense of the meaning and purpose of life; and without understanding their own purpose, they have no true commitment. Whether that commitment is to marriage, family, study, work, God, relationships, or the simple resolutions of our lives, it is hard to fulfill without a clear understanding of our purpose.

Once I thought that if I could change my surroundings, I would be happier. Discovering my purpose has caused me to realize that happiness is an inside-out job. When I am focused on becoming the best version of myself, I am happy. Only the pursuit of my essential purpose satisfies.

Think about this..!!


Hi.. Friends..!

"All it takes is one match to light a forest fire."
I would like to share some of my thoughts and my views about living in this blog.
Sharing is a great experience, it boost up both the giver and the receiver.

Humans actually crave novelty and change. Yet most of us stay in the safe harbor of the known. We think that we'll be happier and more secure in the familiar world of the known. However, nothing could be further from the truth. Avoiding change and growth is the most dangerous place to be as a human. Yes it is confusing to move away from the familiar. Yes it is hard to deal with change. Yet, that is where the opportunity lives. That is where growth lives. That is where our best selves live.