Friday, October 27, 2006

The Ship...which you always like to sail...

Ten Power Strategies for keeping your relationships strong:

1. Commit. Do you want to view your partner lovingly?

Are you for your partner or against your partner? Too many
people in relationships are enemies. They put a negative
spin on each other, just as enemies do. If you decide you want
to love your partner, you can intentionally view him or her lovingly.

2. Deliver effectively. You have a choice every time you say

something to your partner. You can say something that will
either nurture the relationship or tear it down. Say what
you mean, but don’t say it mean.

3. Foster collaboration. In a happy marriage, couples make

at least three times as many positive statements to and about
each other and their relationship (“We laugh a lot”) as opposed
to negative ones (“We never have fun”). Make daily deposits to
your relationship’s emotional bank account.

4. Create trust. Trust is at the foundation of any relationship.

We are more likely to have good relationships and succeed in
whatever we do when our relationships are based on trust.

5. Speak from the heart. In love relationships, feelings are

the voice of the heart. Appealing to your partner’s emotions works
more effectively than rational discourse. Much of what matters
in love depends upon our feelings.

6. Argue well. Successful conflict resolution includes: owning

your part in a conflict; using humor; stroking your partner with
a caring remark (“I know that this is hard for you”); making it
clear you’re on common ground (“This is our problem”);
backing down (it sometimes pays to yield); and being skillful
and receptive to compromise.

7. Be a model for your children. Some couples get mired

in repetitive fights to which their children bear witness; others may
even stop talking; other couples draw their children into their
differences and form a triangle. Successful couples do not draw
their children into adult issues as referees, judges, targets, or in
any other biased role.

8. Assess regularly. Reflect on how you’re doing. Awareness is

the first step in healing. Knowing how you are doing keeps you on
track. Feedback to each other is an early warning system to stem
negative patterns.

9. Prevent relapse. The emotional brain learns new patterns

over months. Over-learning, practicing a new habit beyond the
point where you can do it well, greatly reduces the odds that you
will revert to the old habit under pressure. Practice being a
sensitive and caring partner every day.

10. Seek help early. Having chronic relationship problems?

Early intervention is less painful and more effective than
intervention in a relationship that has been worn down over
a long period. Take action. Seek help early. Applying the 10
Power Strategies brings a huge return on investment. Ignoring
emotional competency puts you at greater risk for a shattered
home life and an artificial career ceiling.

Courtesy :Joel Block, Ph.D. is a psychologist and author of

"Making It Work When You Work a Lot"

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